monday

excellent visit to the monthly ent clinic this morning. Dr's Uppal and Jamill shoved a camera up my hooter to inspect my throat and the back of my mouth. All was as expected. No explanation for my inability to swallow, only that it was normal and would hopefully sort itself out. Emphasis put on the fact that I'm only 6 weeks after treatment and that it is early days in the recovery which may take up to 12 months.

gerrards

thanks for all your kind messages folks, feeling a lot better today. Looking forward  to a visit from sis, brother-in-law and little nieces this afternoon.

Passepertout

Not sure if today is good or bad yet. Been struggling with the psychological aspects of all this lately, it all seems to be coming down on top of me a bit. Will speak to the whole team at the hospital Lon Monday to see where we are at. I understand that the huge amount of morphine that I'm on can make you depressed so it's something that we need to sort out because it's not fair on Keeley.

I think the big thing is that I keep ticking off progress boxes but new negative boxes keep popping up to cancel them out. This week it has been losing most of my ability to swallow anything but the tiniest drop of water whe a couple of weeks ago I was drinking normally and beginning to eat reddy brek. Just seems like a big step backwards.

Anyway, we will be at hospital on Monday and get some things sorted out.

Apologies for the tone of this blog but I think it only works if I'm being honest, hopefully just writing about it will help things.

Grace is back from York having had a great 5 days, and if I feel up to it we are going to the New Vic this afternoon to see Around the World in 80 days, so things aren't all bad.

the wanderer returns

to compound the yoyo state of my health at the minute, today has been pretty bad.  By way of massive compensation though Gracie is back later so nothing else matters.

outside

been on a bit of a road trip to Bridgenere this morning and realised being trapped in the house for the last 3 months that spring and summer has nearly passed me by. It's nice and warm out it here isn't it. 

Feeling pretty good. Sometimes not sure whether I am genuinely feeling better or just getting more used to feeling ropey, but time will tell.

Looking forward to Grace's return tomorrow like you wouldn't believe.

Hurrah!

pipe

an interesting development today. The hinge that holds the little rubber bung in the end of my feeding tube has busted. This makes it very difficult for my fat little fingers to get the bung in and out in order to feed myself. Alarmingly, but reassuringly at the same time I am going to go in next Wednesday to have a whole new tube put in.

This will hopefully not be as dramatic as it sounds. What will happen is that the water that inflates the balloon and in effect holds the balloon in place will be emptied (we do this once a fortnight at home anyway). This will allow the fantastic nurse to remove the whole tube and insert a new one, then inflate the balloon and we can start again. The hole (stoma) in my skin is obviously there and is easy to locate, the hole in my stomach,   should be directly under the external hole and easy to locate (!). This hole stays a hole for 4 hours until it starts to heal, but the procedure should take minutes so no problem.

Sounds a bit daunting, but after all the other shit I've had thrown at me in the last few months so what.

cap

good visit to GP this morning, prescriptions sorted, no concerns. Keeley took this ace pic of me & Grace yesterday as she set off for her school trip to York. Enjoy.

York

mouth continues to improve, the mucusitis on my tongue which at one stage totally covered it and which was excruciatingly painful, is nearly gone. As has happened before though, as one thing goes another appears. My throat is now incredibly sore and is preventing me having my reddy brek, even making it difficult to sip water. Off to see the GP tomorrow for repeat prescriptions etc so we can take advice then. 

My baby daughter left for her school trip to York this morning. It's going to be a long week.

odemwingie

a sight to gladden my heart last night was two stoke city players playing in opposing sides in the World Cup Finals.What's more, Peter Odemwingie scored for Nigeria past Asmir Begovic who was in goal for Bosnia.

Up to these finals there had only ever bee n four Stoke players representing their countries in previous world cups, now we have had eight. A sure sign of the progress of my little old football club.

In other matters I feel pretty well today. Saw doctor yesterday because my neck is a bit swollen and making swallowing difficult but assured that all was fine. Will attempt to speak to someone in ent tomorrow.

Nice visit from Jayne, Noel & Connie for a chat in the sunshine.

Laters homeboys

offski

day off today to watch the cricket if you don't mind.

pants

good day after bad night of football (as predicted on these pages).

Visit from lovely sister (see photo) sun shining and looking forward to a walk to school later. that's yer lot me hearties.

I call this 'sister with Grace's pants'

cherry pie

another day another dollar. no better than yesterday, no worse than yesterday, just a bit bored of the whole process.

on the plus side my little tv routine which revolves around World Cup and DIY stuff on the telly is now allowing us to catch up with an episode of Fargo every night. Really good, in a Twin Peaks. sort of way, but I genuinely have no idea what's going on. Will report back when I've got a clue.

Forgot to say that I walked to school to get Gracie yesterday, for the first time in about 3 months. Fantastic, and whatsmore, no problem. Bit difficult in that I can't really talk to anyone for any length of time so I had to keep a low profile, but, one step at a time.

saliva

good day. new morphine patch and trying out some special dry mouth tablets to try and get the old saliva glands rocking and rolling again.

lovely visit from me mam and mam in law to distract me. Keeley is beavering away in the background doing work from home. All good.

butt

the usual pattern is being followed as I have a medium/bad day after a couple of mediums and a good one. Just grinning and bearing it.

Plus side is that my neck is well on the way to being back to normal. Most of the nasty scabby bits are now gone and we can now start to get lots of aloe vera oil onto the new skin. Like the proverbial baby's butt.

sleep

medium. nothing much to report today, I've slept through most if it! Not sure if it's down to my condition or the World Cup schedule giving me jet lag.

Picked Gracie up from school for the first time in months, though I should say we went in the car. Baby steps.

Not sure about Grace's new school uniform.

england

despite very sore throat and mouth a good day. Father's day saw breakfast in bed (see posed picture below) and lovely cards and bunting from the kids.

Great to see Karl, who filled me in on the bits of the England match that I missed through nodding off last night.

More footer and cricket today (with a little cycling thrown in for good measure). Looking forward to seeing Stoke's very own Asmir Begovic playing for Bosnia against Argentina tonight at the Maracana.

Onwards and upwards.

mrs overall

bunting courtesy of Grace

Grace's card.No.1 colleague!

Archie's card (courtesy Sainsbury's) No.1 golfer, spot on.

community chest

medium. sun is out, kids playing happily in the garden, all is well. I'm keeping out of the sun under the brolly and my lovely new posh boy hat. Keeley is teaching the kids about the world of commerce with a quick game of monopoly. good luck kids.

Disappointed to miss the surface pattern private view last night for the first time in about 20 odd years, will try and get down to college when things are quiter next week.

chapeau

good day. little trip out to buy a hat, got to keep the sun off my poorly neck so I opted for a posh blokes cowboy hat (?), the ones you see the members at Lords wearing whilst dozing in the mid day sun. It's not cool in any way, but practical. Need to decide the jauntiest angle to wear it. Decided against matching it up with a pair of pink trousers.

jules rimet

medium. this new rating system is fine as far as it goes but can be dependant on the time of day it's written. I had no sleep last night which has had a knock on effect on today, but as I write this at 10.45am the sun is shining, the first test is just about to start and the prospect of the World Cup beginning tonight might yet make this a good day.

nice to have a visit from my chief blogging correspondent Gill.

Off to weekly clinic at hospital this afternoon. happy with progress of neck just a bit frustrated at how slowly my mouth is healing. really trying to eat stuff but it's still pretty painful. still, the big picture is positive and moving in the right direction.

bath

medium/good day. mouth is a pain but day gets a high ranking thanks to being in the company of mum, wife & mum in law.

had a very small bite of a bath bun. had to soak it in tea mind you, but it was my first bite of solid food for I don't know how long. hurrah!

Rik

a good day. plenty of sleep, sun is shining and I've just been for a walk around the block in the actual outdoors with my lovely wife.

It's amazing how quickly your muscles waste away when you're not using them. Having done no more than walk from my bed to the bathroom to the lounge to the car to the lounge to the bedroom for a few months I have absolutely no muscles left in my legs.  As a result my legs look like they did when I was 14 ie. two bits of string. And subsequently, walking round the block is completely exhausting.

Hey ho. Baby steps.

Very sad to read about Rik Mayall yesterday. A complete hero of mine. I still wonder round quoting the Young Ones and Filthy Rich & Catflap 30 years on. Rest in peace matey boy.

Martin

medium day again. Most things under control but mouth is really painful. Not helped by a tickly cough which is irritating everything.

I am thankful to this man who has been my constant companion over the last 5 months. His amazing hair, dad size jackets and rugged good looks have been a source of great comfort. I know he needs no introduction.

overall

medium day. sore mouth prevents me talking. hurrah I hear you all shout.

Keeley has listed on Facebook that she feels like Mrs Overall, fetching me reddy brek and tepid tea to order.

I see where she's coming from but see her as my own Florence Nightingale.

Sorting out my medication and tending to my wounds. Either way, when I am fit and well, she will live the life of a princess.

thunderbolt & lightening

I have a good nights kip to report, despite the thunder. Hurrah! This calls for a different outlook on proceedings today so I am sitting on the other sofa. Whooooooosh!

certificate

medium sort of day. great to see Karl and thanks for doing the chores big guy. 

good also to see mr. brindley and the pictures of his beautiful new grand daughter.

Finally, this is the sort of thing that your kids do and it makes your day, whatever sort of day you are having.

bijou?

a bijou samplette of my weekly card delivery from Jackie & Angie. There's a card shop proprieter in Stamford that will be retiring to an island in the sun pretty soon!

Ta ducks.

mum

a good day with a visit from mum and the state opening of parliament. who could ask for more? honestly, when you've watched homes under the hammer every day for 4 months a. change in the TV schedule is a good thing!

last time I saw mum I was being carted off to a&e in an ambulance (last Thursday) so she is happy that I am making progress. It's difficult for us to see, and progress is bloody slow, but it is happening.

Can I pass on my thanks. to Sarah & Marcus for the lovely book, and , of course, my usual thanks to Jackie & Angie for my weekly card. You are brillbags.

health update - I am still coughing and spluttering, but a little bit less (one spittoon a day rather than two). My neck is now showing all of the signs of the super-aggressive treatment I have had. It is just one big sun-burned mess, but looks much worse than it is. Baring in mind that I have super-strong morphine patches on I am not feeling much pain from my neck and the ulcers etc in my mouth and throat which helps.

On the positive side, CHECK THEM BROWS BABY!

Larry

new morphine patch today which always seems to coincide with an upturn on the sort of day I'm having. had a bit of ready brek and a glass of banana nesquik with no ill effects so feels like progress is being made. got to supplement the super calorie stuff I'm putting through the tube to try and get some weight on.I'm about 13 stone but feel like that's now levelled out so hopefully we can pile on a few pounds over the next few days and weeks. 

kids are back at school and happy as Larry so all is well with the world.

sunday morning

as I sit here on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning I have a few things to report.

I have to declare that I have totally underestimated or, more likely, ignored . how serious all of this is.

tomorrow marks 2 weeks since the radiotherapy finished, and I think I had imagined that everything would start to be ok by now, but it isn't.

the last couple of weeks have been really rough. no sleep, constantly wretching, spitting out the horrible mucous, now the burns on my neck are really coming through and are pretty uncomfortable. I've obviously got no energy because of the weight loss. the catchh22 is that until I put weight back on I can't begin to fight all of the bad stuff, but the bad stuff is stopping me put weight on because of the run-down state of my mouth.

I think I kind of thought that, give it a couple of weeks and I would be walking Gracie in to school and things could start to get back to normal. I could even get up on my own and Keeley could start to get her life back.

Keeley remains optimistic and provides me with everything I need to be be able to get better. It's just up to me to get my head around the timescale.

Anyway, this getting it off your chest session will hopefully be another tick on the 'getting there' chart.