friday

Blimey it's been a bit if a struggle today. Actually feeling worse than when I was in hospital. Tummy ache as a result of anti this and that tablets is quite literally a pain.

Keeley has made some real ginger & honey tea which is going down well as is her patience with my grumpiness.

The district nurse ( not the midwife as reported ) called earlier to administer the first of 5 daily white cell boosting jabs. I've heard the phrase 'just a small scratch ' quite a lot lately.

And finally, despite some advice to rub avocado into it to stop the itching, the beard is no more.

before

after

home

A hot bath last night felt like the height of luxury. Couldn't be bothered shaving though so the Brian Blessed look persists. 

Great just to be able to sit on the sofa with Keeley & the kids and talk. And nod off.........

Bit of a disturbed night's sleep, kept expecting someone to come in to take my temperature. Took a couple of tablets to fight off sicky feelings, bit of a tummy ache but not bad.

Woke up to tea and toast in bed, got up for an hour and my lovely little sister came round baring gifts and soup. Thought about a walk but too much so went back to bed for a couple of hours. 

After soup and more sleep I think I have established the pattern for the next few days. Taking it reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal easy.

Macaroni cheese(courtesy of sis) for tea. Sitting down to eat with your family is a joy we take for granted. 

Trepedatiously await visit from district nurse to administer some injections. 

Tuesday & Wednesday catch up

After some technical issues (ie running out of data allowance on phone)here is a brief summary of the last 2 days.

Being 2 feet the other side of the curtain that is shielding you from a bloke having a catheter inserted up his wazzer is an eye-watering experience for all concerned. Although I will concede, perhaps just a bit more for him! Poor bloke in such a bad way that they can't get him to lie flat enough( and keep still) long enough, to have the MRI scan that he needs. Proper stoic Stokie though,cheerful throughout & he offers me some of his opal fruits (yes, opal fruits not starburst)which he says help with the taste,dryness in the mouth thing. They are after all, MADE TO MAKE YOUR MOUTH WATER. Gordon & his wife's demeanour and attitude in such bloody awful circumstances is another example that has shown me a way through this. I should also mention Ray, in the opposite bay & his wife who, when we weren't having our hourly naps was a cheerful presence. The bloke in the far corner was a right miserable sod, nuff said!

wed 25 countdown to the great escape

4am woken for obs
6am last bag goes on (12 hours left)
7.30am tea & cornflakes
7.45am toast & lots of drugs
8am obs
8.30 wash,brush teeth, change into lounge pants(joke),I have had the same t-shirt on since Sunday. You can' change it when you've got a pipe attached to your arm.I smell surprisingly sweet.
9.00 tv
11.00 lost an hour or two here, may have been asleep
12.00 temp up a bit,have paracetamol. In retrospect may have been the fact that I fell asleep with my bloody great big headphones on!
12.10 sarnie
13.00 more drugs and fill in my input/output chart(fluid) it's a flipping lot
13.30 nap & await visiting with kids
16.30 not long now, warning bleeper on drip says 1 hour left.
17.00 all looking good now, start to empty locker( one handed)
18.00 last bag done, just need a final 20 minute'flush'withsome saline, final obs and that's it
18.30 thrilled to see Keeley come in with suitcase*to take me home.

*she borrowed the case from work. We opened it up and it was full of    
stuff to pack pots from whoever last used it! 

No matter. We stuffed everything in, had a run through all of the tablets and injections to take home, said our farewells to Gordon & Ray & the staff, and legged it!

I say legged it, you will understand that I hadn't actually moved out of my chair for 5 days, so maybe, serenely wafted to the car is more accurate. Into the car, along the a34, what a great sight!

And HOME.

day 5 tuesday

07.22 am. blimey. The reality of this whole situation has gone up a notch or two. Poor old chap got admitted to bed next to me at 5.30 this morning. Sounds in a pretty bad way. Missing my single room but appreciating the fact that at least I was in it for 3 days. I am fine, completely knackered but fine.

Things I found out yesterday:

• my taste buds are so shot that even wassabi peas don 't touch the sides.

• the texture of corned beef is interesting 

• having a hot shower in the morning is about the best thing ever, especially when you can't have one like today!

• the staff at UHNS are just incredible

• being in hospital is not great,they bloody smell.

• when you've had no view even a blink of the a34 and the car park is interesting.

11.28 can confirm that reports of me being permanently constipated were way off the mark.( apologies )As are any suggestions that I am using this whole hospital thing as some kind cover whilst I buff up and get tats for the summer at a health spa (Simon!) As if!

13.28 I am the subject of a student doctor's 4 minute exam in test conditions. A bit rough with the old lump inspection, and should lay off the spicy food were my only comments.

14.35 I have just flossed my teeth in public. Does this make me a bad person?

16.30 afternoon visit from Karlos, kids & Chris very enjoyable. 2 x12 hour bags left so hopefully home tomoz evening. Please!

Late 3 o'clock selfie showing my lustrous beard. Not in the B.Blessed envelope but not bad.

day 4 monday

Meet my constant companion of the last 3 days. I am attached to this little beaut 24 hours a day. The 20 minutes I am 'blocked off' from it in the morning, so that I can have a shower are complete bliss. Simple pleasures.

The 'Braun Infusomat Space'- configured for use with cytotoxic therapies, basically regulates the flow of chemo & saline into my poor little handy, which at the minute is going in at 83.34 ml/h.

Good start to monday-

• woke at 6 for obs

• nap until 7.45

• cornflakes, tea & toast

• cocktail of drugs - see yesterday 

• shower ( huzzah! )

• write this 

• settle down to watch James Martin's new programme about hospital food. Should be interesting.

12.00 our lovely friend Maria rings. It is great to hear from her.Just back from Cornwall with Colin & Fran, where we were supposed to be with them last week.We will hopefully get there later in the year.

12.17- the waft of my soup and corned beef sarnie drifts into the room like a rare gas. Just realising that the chemo is, as promised, nuking my taste buds. Salt and vinegar crisps don't register at all. Drinks taste horrible.

Have been given a list of the tablets I have to take home with me to counteract the sickness, potential for ulcers, diarrhoea etc. need one of those pill organising devices to make sure I remember them all.Maria suggests a spread - sheet! Don't really do them but I'll see what I can come up with.

Afternoon top 5:

• John Wayne Gacy Jr-Sufjan Stevens

• Sheep-Pink Floyd

• Comfortably Numb-Pink Floyd

•The Other Sude of Life-Japan

•My new career-Japan

Today's 3 0'clock selfie, captured on one of my 3 x hourly visits for a wee. That saline drip and gallons of water certainly keeps you regular pardners.

15.30 Lovely visit from family & guest visitor Jayne. Roomful of loveliness all round.

16.30. Drat. Being moved from my cosy little side room into a bay of 4. There'd better not be any snorers or I will be complaining to my MP.

19.40 visit from my beautiful wife compensates for being moved into room with no telly and the 1975 world snoring champion. Hey ho, I'll be home in 3 days suckers!

day 3

Slept until 4 this morning, then woken up for obs and to have first 24 hour chemo bag changed. Had a bit if a rash so taken off for a few hours to monitor the situation. This will have the effect of knocking back the finish time for the first treatment.I still have 6 x 12 hour bags to go, so it will be Wednesday morning at the earliest before we are done. Bum.

08.00 the breakfast of champions. Tea toast, reddy brek & these bad boys. Non nom.

Lovely visit from family last night. Marvellous Mother-in-law Christine, with her local insider knowledge of the UHNS, cased the joint and found it to her satisfaction. She also provided the below reference material, should it be required.

Who knew?

More later.

11.47 should say that I am typing this all in my phone so you will excuse any chubby-fingered spelling mistakes.

Still waiting for the doc to give the ok to get back on the chemo. It is delaying things but might make the change-over time (every 12 hours) drop at a more conveniant time(ie not 3 am).

I'm very aware and grateful for everyone's thoughts and support both here, with texts and on Facebook. It really opens up the means of communication and makes everyone feel close by. It means that I'm not just hanging round for visiting hours for a bit of company. Face-timing Keeley & the kids is wondrous. Even having to stare up their noses.

12.10 pm- back on the stuff now. The temporary disconnection has allowed me to have a shower which felt like just about the best thing ever. Next change at 1ish tomorrow morning, then only 5 left this session . On & Up.

Today's 5 at 1

•The Seventh Seal - Scott Walker

•Farmer in the City - Scott Walker

•Hawkwind - Quark, Strangeness & Charm

•Bob Dylan-Tangled Up in Blue

•Laura Mvula - She

A quirky batch I 'm sure you'll agree.

Just been asked by one of the nurses if anyone's told me I look like some geezer called Mark Wright off TOWIE.

No, was my polite, yet terse reply.

Just noticed that the dates gave got a bit messed up. Not sure how. Can't change on phone, will hopefully be able to tart up and re-edit when I'm home, along with very distressing use of random fonts and sizes.

Blimey, this TOWIE thing might go viral. Sarge has created another maelstrom of Photoshop genius . I 'm the one on the right by the way, with the better tattoos!

day 2

Today's theme tune is http://youtu.be/PXgcEea_2zo

6.38 am. In what is my 50th year, I have just completed my first ever night in hospital. Woken for observations every 4 hours. The sound of warning beeps from other rooms and the little pump sploshing the chemo through the drip in my arm meant little or no sleep.

On a positive note I felt, at about 2 this morning, whilst having my blood pressure taken and much to the surprise of the nurse, inspired to write a bit of arty prose on a serviette left over from tea. If I can read it I will transcribe it later.

10.30 am - It hadn't occurred to me that if you're attached to a drip 24 hours a day, you can't take your t-shirt off without a team of trained experts plugging the drip temporarily. Don't worry friends I have invented something to get over this.

I call it the zip-tee

allows easy egress from ones clothes whilst plugged in. A winner.

I should say that I will be making the most of my sojourn to brush up on my drawing skills which have obviously gone to shit!

Back to my middle of the night creativity. This is what I wrote:

Because I am 6'5" I naturally have a long stride. If ever I'm out walking with Keeley & the kids I'm invariably 10 paces ahead of them. It's just how it is. I'm aware that they're there (they moan at me to slow down), but I like to press along at my own pace.

This is very much how I feel about how I'm dealing with the illness at the minute.I am aware, and so grateful, of all the support and love from my friends and family urging me on from behind, but ultimately I am facing this alone. Not bullishly or demonstratively, but alone in my own way and happy to do so, knowing that if I drop the pace & drop back that Keeley, Archie, Grace, mum, Squeek, Chris, Karl & everyone else is there to shove me back up front where I need to be.

When this is done I will allow everyone to catch up and form a big old lovely circle around me.

I'd also like to,teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, with apple trees and honey bees and Snow White turtle doves....

Nuff said. It was 2 in the morning.

13.00 pm - I know, what about my Saturday waiting for visiting hours playlist. Good idea? Of course. Here you go.

• Billy Bragg-Must I paint you a picture

• Big Star-September Girls

• Teddy Thompson-In my arms

• Teenage Fanclub-Into The City

• Television-Venus