happiness

Spoiler alert. I've been thinking again. I have these moments of clarity at 6 in the morning and have to get them down. The stuff of the day clouds my simple brain somewhat so anything written before breakfast is a bit more thoughtful. I'll let you decide.

This time it's about the human brain and how it deals with stuff. Here you go for what it's worth.

Firstly, we all know our ultimate fate on this earth but most of us fortunately are having such a good time living our lives that we never think about it. Then what happens is that your circumstances change.

This may be in the form of an illness like mine or maybe to someone you know or just by being made aware of something on the news.

So then the old ultimate fate thing kicks in. In my case I am fully aware of what is happening to me and the percentage for success and failure of my treatment, but because of the fantastic support I am receiving from Keeley, my family and friends and staff at the hospital, I  choose to remain positive.

I think this is because I am a positive person, but also because there is an element of my fuzzy little brain compartmentalising things and putting the bad things to the back and trying not to think about them.

I have experiences to help me do this. The time we had when dad was diagnosed (very late on ) with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma nearly 22 years ago, and passed away about a month later, was obviously very traumatic, but without that experience I wouldn't have recognised the initial signs of my own illness, got it checked out, and be in the position we are in now where we have caught it early and have every chance of beating it.

What I am saying is that my brain is using this experience we had with dad and somehow filtering out the bad bits and stashing those away in a room 101 type place, allowing me to remember dad in a very positive way. 

I am doing exactly the same thing with this. Externally and, most of the time,  I am being positive, internally I think about the big picture, but whether it's because I am a bit thick,  I seem able to not think about what might happen if the treatment doesn't work. I have sort of put it in Room 101, which is great, but don't ask me to explain how it's done.

Now I understand that people's experiences are different. Not everyone has the support network I have. If I was sat at home on my own without a family things might be very different. People are obviously much more poorly than me, which I have witnessed first hand, and in those cases it must be so much more difficult. But it's how positive these people are that has been such a big eye opener to me. You literally can't help but not be given a massive boost when the guy in the bed next to you, who you have just heard being told, that he has cancer ( much more serious than mine ), remains totally positive and is looking forward to the way his life will change for the better after his op. He is planning caravan holidays with his wife already.Outstanding.

So when the negative stuff kicks in, which it inevitably does, the effects of this experience, the friends, love of family, just normality, gives you a direct pathway to room 101 to dump the bad stuff until next time.

There you go. Not sure if that makes sense. It did to me at 6. In the meantime, to explain things through the medium of song, here are two favourites from opposite ends of the spectrum.

The first explains where I am 90% of the time in my fuzzy, happy little world. The second is a good indicator of the other 10%.

Both worth a listen but the sentiments of the first far outweigh those of the second.

Doddy Partly because they play this at Stoke after a home victory but also because Doddy is ace.

Johnny Cash obvious

ps thanks to Gill for the really cool book and the keep fit tea. There's a whole other world out there other than PG tips!