friday

Blimey it's been a bit if a struggle today. Actually feeling worse than when I was in hospital. Tummy ache as a result of anti this and that tablets is quite literally a pain.

Keeley has made some real ginger & honey tea which is going down well as is her patience with my grumpiness.

The district nurse ( not the midwife as reported ) called earlier to administer the first of 5 daily white cell boosting jabs. I've heard the phrase 'just a small scratch ' quite a lot lately.

And finally, despite some advice to rub avocado into it to stop the itching, the beard is no more.

before

after

home

A hot bath last night felt like the height of luxury. Couldn't be bothered shaving though so the Brian Blessed look persists. 

Great just to be able to sit on the sofa with Keeley & the kids and talk. And nod off.........

Bit of a disturbed night's sleep, kept expecting someone to come in to take my temperature. Took a couple of tablets to fight off sicky feelings, bit of a tummy ache but not bad.

Woke up to tea and toast in bed, got up for an hour and my lovely little sister came round baring gifts and soup. Thought about a walk but too much so went back to bed for a couple of hours. 

After soup and more sleep I think I have established the pattern for the next few days. Taking it reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal easy.

Macaroni cheese(courtesy of sis) for tea. Sitting down to eat with your family is a joy we take for granted. 

Trepedatiously await visit from district nurse to administer some injections. 

Tuesday & Wednesday catch up

After some technical issues (ie running out of data allowance on phone)here is a brief summary of the last 2 days.

Being 2 feet the other side of the curtain that is shielding you from a bloke having a catheter inserted up his wazzer is an eye-watering experience for all concerned. Although I will concede, perhaps just a bit more for him! Poor bloke in such a bad way that they can't get him to lie flat enough( and keep still) long enough, to have the MRI scan that he needs. Proper stoic Stokie though,cheerful throughout & he offers me some of his opal fruits (yes, opal fruits not starburst)which he says help with the taste,dryness in the mouth thing. They are after all, MADE TO MAKE YOUR MOUTH WATER. Gordon & his wife's demeanour and attitude in such bloody awful circumstances is another example that has shown me a way through this. I should also mention Ray, in the opposite bay & his wife who, when we weren't having our hourly naps was a cheerful presence. The bloke in the far corner was a right miserable sod, nuff said!

wed 25 countdown to the great escape

4am woken for obs
6am last bag goes on (12 hours left)
7.30am tea & cornflakes
7.45am toast & lots of drugs
8am obs
8.30 wash,brush teeth, change into lounge pants(joke),I have had the same t-shirt on since Sunday. You can' change it when you've got a pipe attached to your arm.I smell surprisingly sweet.
9.00 tv
11.00 lost an hour or two here, may have been asleep
12.00 temp up a bit,have paracetamol. In retrospect may have been the fact that I fell asleep with my bloody great big headphones on!
12.10 sarnie
13.00 more drugs and fill in my input/output chart(fluid) it's a flipping lot
13.30 nap & await visiting with kids
16.30 not long now, warning bleeper on drip says 1 hour left.
17.00 all looking good now, start to empty locker( one handed)
18.00 last bag done, just need a final 20 minute'flush'withsome saline, final obs and that's it
18.30 thrilled to see Keeley come in with suitcase*to take me home.

*she borrowed the case from work. We opened it up and it was full of    
stuff to pack pots from whoever last used it! 

No matter. We stuffed everything in, had a run through all of the tablets and injections to take home, said our farewells to Gordon & Ray & the staff, and legged it!

I say legged it, you will understand that I hadn't actually moved out of my chair for 5 days, so maybe, serenely wafted to the car is more accurate. Into the car, along the a34, what a great sight!

And HOME.

day 5 tuesday

07.22 am. blimey. The reality of this whole situation has gone up a notch or two. Poor old chap got admitted to bed next to me at 5.30 this morning. Sounds in a pretty bad way. Missing my single room but appreciating the fact that at least I was in it for 3 days. I am fine, completely knackered but fine.

Things I found out yesterday:

• my taste buds are so shot that even wassabi peas don 't touch the sides.

• the texture of corned beef is interesting 

• having a hot shower in the morning is about the best thing ever, especially when you can't have one like today!

• the staff at UHNS are just incredible

• being in hospital is not great,they bloody smell.

• when you've had no view even a blink of the a34 and the car park is interesting.

11.28 can confirm that reports of me being permanently constipated were way off the mark.( apologies )As are any suggestions that I am using this whole hospital thing as some kind cover whilst I buff up and get tats for the summer at a health spa (Simon!) As if!

13.28 I am the subject of a student doctor's 4 minute exam in test conditions. A bit rough with the old lump inspection, and should lay off the spicy food were my only comments.

14.35 I have just flossed my teeth in public. Does this make me a bad person?

16.30 afternoon visit from Karlos, kids & Chris very enjoyable. 2 x12 hour bags left so hopefully home tomoz evening. Please!

Late 3 o'clock selfie showing my lustrous beard. Not in the B.Blessed envelope but not bad.

day 4 monday

Meet my constant companion of the last 3 days. I am attached to this little beaut 24 hours a day. The 20 minutes I am 'blocked off' from it in the morning, so that I can have a shower are complete bliss. Simple pleasures.

The 'Braun Infusomat Space'- configured for use with cytotoxic therapies, basically regulates the flow of chemo & saline into my poor little handy, which at the minute is going in at 83.34 ml/h.

Good start to monday-

• woke at 6 for obs

• nap until 7.45

• cornflakes, tea & toast

• cocktail of drugs - see yesterday 

• shower ( huzzah! )

• write this 

• settle down to watch James Martin's new programme about hospital food. Should be interesting.

12.00 our lovely friend Maria rings. It is great to hear from her.Just back from Cornwall with Colin & Fran, where we were supposed to be with them last week.We will hopefully get there later in the year.

12.17- the waft of my soup and corned beef sarnie drifts into the room like a rare gas. Just realising that the chemo is, as promised, nuking my taste buds. Salt and vinegar crisps don't register at all. Drinks taste horrible.

Have been given a list of the tablets I have to take home with me to counteract the sickness, potential for ulcers, diarrhoea etc. need one of those pill organising devices to make sure I remember them all.Maria suggests a spread - sheet! Don't really do them but I'll see what I can come up with.

Afternoon top 5:

• John Wayne Gacy Jr-Sufjan Stevens

• Sheep-Pink Floyd

• Comfortably Numb-Pink Floyd

•The Other Sude of Life-Japan

•My new career-Japan

Today's 3 0'clock selfie, captured on one of my 3 x hourly visits for a wee. That saline drip and gallons of water certainly keeps you regular pardners.

15.30 Lovely visit from family & guest visitor Jayne. Roomful of loveliness all round.

16.30. Drat. Being moved from my cosy little side room into a bay of 4. There'd better not be any snorers or I will be complaining to my MP.

19.40 visit from my beautiful wife compensates for being moved into room with no telly and the 1975 world snoring champion. Hey ho, I'll be home in 3 days suckers!

day 3

Slept until 4 this morning, then woken up for obs and to have first 24 hour chemo bag changed. Had a bit if a rash so taken off for a few hours to monitor the situation. This will have the effect of knocking back the finish time for the first treatment.I still have 6 x 12 hour bags to go, so it will be Wednesday morning at the earliest before we are done. Bum.

08.00 the breakfast of champions. Tea toast, reddy brek & these bad boys. Non nom.

Lovely visit from family last night. Marvellous Mother-in-law Christine, with her local insider knowledge of the UHNS, cased the joint and found it to her satisfaction. She also provided the below reference material, should it be required.

Who knew?

More later.

11.47 should say that I am typing this all in my phone so you will excuse any chubby-fingered spelling mistakes.

Still waiting for the doc to give the ok to get back on the chemo. It is delaying things but might make the change-over time (every 12 hours) drop at a more conveniant time(ie not 3 am).

I'm very aware and grateful for everyone's thoughts and support both here, with texts and on Facebook. It really opens up the means of communication and makes everyone feel close by. It means that I'm not just hanging round for visiting hours for a bit of company. Face-timing Keeley & the kids is wondrous. Even having to stare up their noses.

12.10 pm- back on the stuff now. The temporary disconnection has allowed me to have a shower which felt like just about the best thing ever. Next change at 1ish tomorrow morning, then only 5 left this session . On & Up.

Today's 5 at 1

•The Seventh Seal - Scott Walker

•Farmer in the City - Scott Walker

•Hawkwind - Quark, Strangeness & Charm

•Bob Dylan-Tangled Up in Blue

•Laura Mvula - She

A quirky batch I 'm sure you'll agree.

Just been asked by one of the nurses if anyone's told me I look like some geezer called Mark Wright off TOWIE.

No, was my polite, yet terse reply.

Just noticed that the dates gave got a bit messed up. Not sure how. Can't change on phone, will hopefully be able to tart up and re-edit when I'm home, along with very distressing use of random fonts and sizes.

Blimey, this TOWIE thing might go viral. Sarge has created another maelstrom of Photoshop genius . I 'm the one on the right by the way, with the better tattoos!

day 2

Today's theme tune is http://youtu.be/PXgcEea_2zo

6.38 am. In what is my 50th year, I have just completed my first ever night in hospital. Woken for observations every 4 hours. The sound of warning beeps from other rooms and the little pump sploshing the chemo through the drip in my arm meant little or no sleep.

On a positive note I felt, at about 2 this morning, whilst having my blood pressure taken and much to the surprise of the nurse, inspired to write a bit of arty prose on a serviette left over from tea. If I can read it I will transcribe it later.

10.30 am - It hadn't occurred to me that if you're attached to a drip 24 hours a day, you can't take your t-shirt off without a team of trained experts plugging the drip temporarily. Don't worry friends I have invented something to get over this.

I call it the zip-tee

allows easy egress from ones clothes whilst plugged in. A winner.

I should say that I will be making the most of my sojourn to brush up on my drawing skills which have obviously gone to shit!

Back to my middle of the night creativity. This is what I wrote:

Because I am 6'5" I naturally have a long stride. If ever I'm out walking with Keeley & the kids I'm invariably 10 paces ahead of them. It's just how it is. I'm aware that they're there (they moan at me to slow down), but I like to press along at my own pace.

This is very much how I feel about how I'm dealing with the illness at the minute.I am aware, and so grateful, of all the support and love from my friends and family urging me on from behind, but ultimately I am facing this alone. Not bullishly or demonstratively, but alone in my own way and happy to do so, knowing that if I drop the pace & drop back that Keeley, Archie, Grace, mum, Squeek, Chris, Karl & everyone else is there to shove me back up front where I need to be.

When this is done I will allow everyone to catch up and form a big old lovely circle around me.

I'd also like to,teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, with apple trees and honey bees and Snow White turtle doves....

Nuff said. It was 2 in the morning.

13.00 pm - I know, what about my Saturday waiting for visiting hours playlist. Good idea? Of course. Here you go.

• Billy Bragg-Must I paint you a picture

• Big Star-September Girls

• Teddy Thompson-In my arms

• Teenage Fanclub-Into The City

• Television-Venus

day 1.2

It's happening people. Let's go and get some chemotherapy.


We arrived in the cancer unit at 11 am. Thoughts going through my head are:
relief 
blind panic
bricking it

The waiting room has an interesting aray of reading. All the classics, you know the sort of thing, the laters by Katie Price, Dick Francis & Alan Titchmarsh. Super. More later.

3pm. In to an actual room now. 4.5 hour wait so far, nothing happened yet.Selfie update eith very special guest.

16.30. First bit if chemo on drip. Will be on constantly now for 4 days. Bit cold going through my veins but fine. Nurses, as expected, are ace. Proper Stokies. Soup, pie & rice pud for tea later. Got to measure my wee to check kidneys functioning properly. The glamour.

6.30pm A, G & K visit with supplies and pop. Ace. They're off to KFC for supper leaving me with the constant reminder of the vegetable soup I had for tea. Saline drip is really doing the trick, run out of space in the 'fluids out' column. 

7.45pm the simultaneous chimes of a dozen tv's signal the ad break in the middle of Coronation St. Reminds me to plug the iPod in and listen to 23 minutes of marvellousness. If you 'be got all day you might as well make the most of it. Join me if you like.

http://youtu.be/-kORf_0uVTw

day 1.1

No sleep again. 9.30 call goes in. Still no bed.  Frustrating, but have to believe they are doing all they can to get me in. I am fine at the minute and there are obviously a lot of poorly people ahead of me in the queue. No problem. The Slagg Brothers radio show lifts the gloom. Doing some aggressive hoovering to take my mind off stuff.

 No bed today. Frustrated but happy.

day 1

Dawn has broken on the big day. I say broken, more trickled. The steroids I took yesterday have kept me awake all night. Lots of time to think. I have had more messages of encouragement from all over, many from people I have never even met which is quite humbling*

* note to self- when we are through this  make more effort to be a better person. Maybe not in the Mandela/Theresa envelope, just more thoughtful.

I have all of the texts, emails and Facebook messages saved on my phone to inspire me. I should make special mention of an email from my Aunty Gill & Uncle Rick which drew a little tear but which is about the most positive and beautiful thing I have ever read.   

9.30am -  ring ward to check a bed is available. It isn't. Bugger. Got to ring back at 12. More later

12.00 - rang ward. No bed. Ring back tomorrow. Bugger. At least I'll have a comfy bed tonight.

   fed up of Wolstanton with the family pet

gifts

Big day. Went for a blood test to check I'm ok to start treatment tomorrow. Then met Dr Jamil, asked a few questions so that we know what to expect at kick off in the morning. 

Sat in the waiting room the reality began to kick in. Lots of people in various stages of treatment, difficult to tell which. Mostly older folk, lots of varying wigs, tracky bottoms, hats. I'm not worried about what I'm going to be wearing now. Prescribed some steroids which will counteract the initial side-effects of the chemo. Because I am having 3 different types simultaneously, the effects can be quite harsh, so suddenly acquiring the physique of Geoff Cape, and possibly his penchant for budgies, is a small price to pay.


People are very kind. I have been inundated with stuff to help me through. The list to date is as follows:

• flowers
• wine gums
• books
• people's friend magazine
• more sweets
• puzzle magazine
• more sweets
• a danny baker t-shirt

I have also self-gifted myself a radio

Thanks to Kit De BG and family for my People's Friend magazine. My subscription recently finished, and my unquenchable thirst for romantic stories, knitting patterns and offers on lightweight shoes will be satisfied again!

Paul hand delivered a marvellous David Bowie book and the aforementioned Danny Baker t-shirt. Baker suffered a very similar experience to the one I'm about to go through 5 years ago link, and seems to have come out fine on the other side. So here's hoping. Cheers Paul.

Thanks also to Ange, Sarah & Marcus, Claire, Julia and everyone else who has sent cards and stuff, emailed and been in touch on Facebook. This support is exactly what will get Keeley, Archie, Grace and me through this.

In the meantime, for your entertainment, here is my latest selfie (modelling my late, great grandad Stan's bowler hat) and a pic of some of my gifts.

eggs

Start the day on an egg they say. Here's why.

Two days and counting.

Home from Welsh wales. Boiler is busted, need to get it fixed before wednesday. Off for a Peaky Blinders haircut while I still can. Fantastic Mehmet the Turkish Barber on May Bank High Street assures me that I may not lose my hair at all, but if I do to go straight in to see him, where he well perform the requisite Kojakification of my nut.

Decided to try and do a 3 o'clock in the afternoon selfie every day until I can't be bothered. They will be available to see on my pinterest board from today. 3-o'clock-selfie. First one is here.

sunday

With 3 days to go until treatment starts, it becomes increasingly more difficult not to have 'bad' thoughts. Will this be our last holiday together, that sort of thing. Fortunately I have a foolproof plan to put all morbid thoughts to the back of my mind.

It involves discussing a range of topics 

with my marvellous family which are guaranteed to stimulate heated debate and naturally steer my thoughts to more mundane matters. eg:

- fried bread-is it any good for you

- the 3 musketeers

- elo

- the beautiful weather

- at what point should Archie start shaving

- where does Grace put all of that food

- is it a good idea to complete the 5 mile   walk round the Great Orme

you get the idea. It has worked anyway. We have done the walk and I am now too knackered to think about anything. Result

seaside

Llandudno, sunny, Mostyn Art Gallery. Feeling fine. That is all.

teeth

Hectic friday today (!):

7.30am - boiler hasn't come on. I rush manfully to the kitchen and reset it. Bingo. Keeley won't have to boil the kettle and wash her hair in the sink. Keeley presents me with a lovely Valentine's card. Whoops!

7.45am - brushed teeth 

9.30am - pick up broken car from garage. There's a theme building here isn't there. What with the leak, the car, the boiler and the other thing, our luck appears to be out at the minute. Pick up some flowers for my lovely wife.

10am - bravely decided to go to barbers and get a grade 3 to pre-empt the need to shave my head when, and if, my lustrous locks disappear. They were full up so I didn't bother.

11am - filled in some forms to see if I'm eligible for any benefits while I'm poorly. Being self-employed is great but a pain in the bum when you haven't got any, or you can't work. No dosh.

1pm - health shake (same one), some winter olympics (watching not competing)and a cheese bitty.

1.30pm - spoke to my lovely sister Squeek on the phone. She rings every day. She is ace.

1.45pm - spoke to Maria on the phone. She is looking forward to driving down to Cornwall tomorrow with Colin and Frances. Advised not to stop off at Worcester or Bridgewater services for petrol.

2pm - brushed teeth

2.10pm - Bit of Dickinson's Real Deal, created V.Card on computer and send to Keeley on email (romantic).

2.20pm - should say that I have done a load of washing and hung it to dry in case anyone thinks I am shirking my husbandly duties.

2.30pm - put some clothes aside for our trip to Llandudno at the weekend. Plan to maybe go via Rhug Farm Shop, where they have delicious Bison burgers (no, really).

2.45pm - have email confirming my entry into the Walkers invent your own flavour has been accepted. I went for sour cream, carrot and star anise. Winner.I produced this little graphic to illustrate the flavour. Not sure if this is a good use of my time.

3.15pm - picked up kids

4.00pm - received a great pick from my great mate Sarge on Facebook. See if you can spot me shaking hands with Johnny Cash at Fulsome Prison

5.15pm - pointless

6.00pm - present lovely flowers to Keeley. Order take away. Watch telly. Nod off . Brush teeth etc etc

ROCK AND ROLL

radio

So then. Wednesday evening found me, Archie & Karl fighting our way through the eye of a hurricane to get to the New Vic to see the ledge John Cooper Clarke.  Anyone of a nervous disposition, or any of my more 'mature' relatives should probably not click on the link. Too late? Oh well. Lots of effin and jeffin and worse, but complete genius. I'm not overplaying this by saying that it was like sitting 10 feet away from Sir John Betjeman or Philip Larkin reciting their best. Anyway we all had a great time. Archie didn't know which way to look but he no doubt had plenty of existential material to tell in the playground today.

eg. - how deep would the sea be without all of those sponges in it?
    - if Jesus was Jewish, why the Spanish name?

As you will know I missed the Stoke game last night, but according to all of my trusted sources I missed nothing. Good. A point from a bad performance in impossible conditions will do.

I had been visited earlier by my great old friends Sarah And Marcus. When I say old I don't mean old, just longstanding! The support I am getting from everyone is really fantastic. The offers of help, the cards and gifts are much appreciated. It's just a bit surreal being in the position of being really well (except the obvious) but having no symptoms, and counting down the days to going in too hospital where the treatment is going to make me pretty unwell for a while. It's usually the other way round.

- radio

Thursday morning found me at 6Towns radio in Boslem where I joined bestest mates Noel & Dean on their Slagg Brothers show. Don't judge me, I've never done it before. Click on this link for a listen.
theslaggbrothers.co.uk if you click the microphone you can listen and potentially fast-forward through most of it.

Thanks for the diversion chaps. Much appreciated. The show is live every thursday morning from the big boss hour of 10am til midday 6 Towns Radio .Lock it in.

poetry

Special day. Taking Archie to see John Cooper Clarke at the New Vic tonight. Slightly concerned about the language but so worth it to see a complete genius on our door step. Karl is coming along too so we can have a good man to man talk to Archie about poetry and swearing.

Tonight will be slightly complicated by the fact that Stoke are at home to Swansea. Think this is the first time in nearly 40 years of supporting the mighty Potters that, apart from trivial stuff like holidays and getting married (thanks love!), I am voluntarily missing a home game. Still that's what that smart phones and the BBC Sport website were invented for.

Should also say that tomorrow morning I will be making an appearance on the Slagg Brothers radio show  on 6 Towns Radio between 10 and 12. Their listening figures being diminished by one will hopefully be more than compensated for by my witty repartee.

I will review JCC, the radio show and hopefully 3 points for the Potters tomorrow afternoon.

shake

Today brought snow, the prospect of a trip to see the orthodontist, my good mate Steve coming to fix the leak in the kitchen ceiling (see fig.1) and my attempts to  whip up another one of bro-in-law Karl's super-ace-tastin-lip-smackin-thirst-quenchin-health-shakes, more of which later.

The snow (see fig.3) is a welcome change from the rain, but it was the wet stuff so didn't last long. Those of us that have the pleasure of living in the Newcastle-under-Lyme/Stoke-on-Trent area will be aware that even 1mm of wet snow will bring instant gridlock to the city, so I left for the orthodontists appointment early.

One of the side effects of my treatment is that it can do damage to the teeth, gums and jaw, and cause extreme soreness in the mouth and throat, to the point where you can't actually eat and drink properly. The orthodontist checks that the teeth are healthy enough to take the chemo/radiotherapy with a view to removing any suspect teeth before the treatment starts. Fortunately mine were ok. I had them cleaned up and have now started a regime of brushing/flossing/mouthwashing 3 times a day in order to keep my mouth as clean as possible to limit the soreness and ulcers as much as possible.

On returning home I whisked up the shake to end all shakes (see fig .2). Take a banana, a handful of spinach, some blueberries, some whey protein and a splash of milk and neck it. Looks like a blended frog, tastes tremendous. Hopefully further down the line when I am losing a bit of weight and it becomes increasingly difficult to eat much, these babies will keep me going. Cheers Karlos.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. The sun is now shining, the leak is fixed and the kids will be home from school soon. Hurrah!

fig1.the leak

fig 2. the shake

fig 3. the snow

slippers

Those of you that know me well will know that I am strictly a trainer man. Occasionally I will don my Clarks Originals or Camper boots, but as a 49 year old I know what I like on my feet and a pair of Gazelles or Campus suit me for most occasions just fine.

Imagine my horror when it was suggested that for the duration of my hospital stay and my subsequent recuperation, I should get myself a pair of slippers. The horror!

Pyjamas too might not be a bad idea. Where do you even go to buy such mundane items? Marks and Sparks apparently.

So with a heavy heart I set off for Hanley to see what I could find. 

On entering the gents department of the aforementioned M&S, I bought the average age of the shoppers in store down by about 30 years single handedly. Aware of this, but not daunted,I proceeded to the pj/slipper area. 

£20 FOR A PAIR OF GRANDAD SLIPPERS. I don't think so. I turned on my heels and left, minus slippers but with my street cred intact.

I have to confess that as a result of this shocking experience that I have purchased a pair of semi-ok slippers on Amazon which I think I can just about get away with. Some PJ bottoms from Gap and a few cotton tee shirts from Primarni should do the trick. Just because I'm going to hospital doesn't mean to say I've given up on life. I'm down but not out people.

where to begin?

So, in early december I went to the doctors with a lump in my neck. Ordinarily I would have thought nothing of it, but I remembered my dear old dad having similar lumps before he was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma 22 years ago. Putting aside my manly instinct to avoid the doctors at all costs,and after some gentle persuasion from Keeley I made an appointment and was scuttled off for blood tests straight away.
At this point I felt sure that I just had a virus, and sure enough the tests came back clear. Hurrah! Thanks to Dr. Williamson's thorough approach he decided that, because of my family history, I should be referred to the ear, nose and throat department at the UHNS. Good job.
So, before christmas I had a series of CT scans, ultrasounds, needle biopsies and X-rays which revealed that I had some 'suspicious'cells in my neck. We then had to wait until after christmas to find out more.

It was a long 2 weeks.

Christmas came and went and we went back to ENT on the 6th of January to get the results. The tests revealed that the lump in my neck was the secondary site and that I had what was called a Squamous Cell Carcinoma, which was probably in my tonsil, neck area.
Bit of a shock, but at least we now had a better idea of what we were dealing with.(info)

On the 15th of January I had a PET scan to establish the exact location of the primary site. The scan itself was 30 minutes of being strapped down to a plank and passed though a huge donut. Absolute torture for a claustrophobic lump like myself. Keeley says I was as white as a ghost when I came out, and having had to fast for 8 hours previously I was a quivering wreck. An hours nap, a bar of chocolate and a bottle of pop later I was fine.

The PET scan and panendoscopy (camera and biopsy thing down your throat)revealed that the primary source was indeed in my right tonsil. Good news. Bad news was that having a tonsil removed as an adult is just about as painful thing as you can imagine. Imagine having the worst sore throat you've ever had x 100, add in ear and tooth ache and you've got it. Suffice to say that the tablets I took meant that I couldn't drive and that The Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour film suddenly seemed like a good idea!

The 3rd of February was the day we went in to have the results of the panendoscopy and to have confirmed that the tonsil was the primary site. This done, we then had the treatment plan explained to us.

Wowzers. This is when it really hit home what was about to happen to me. Five days of chemo  in the cancer unit of UHNS (to start on 19th feb)followed by a couple of weeks break, followed by another 5 days in and another couple of weeks off. This to be followed by 6 weeks (an hour a day for 5 days x 6 with weekends off or 30 (30!) doses of radiotherapy

Quite a lot to get your head round, and obviously all of the side effects are quite daunting but a really good chance that all of this treatment will make me better. The irony being that most people feel poorly then go to hospital to get well. I feel absolutely fine and have no symptoms at the minute, but I'm going into hospital to get much worse, but ultimately better, hopefully.

So that is the story so far. This week I have been to nuclear medicine (who knew?) to check my kidneys are functioning properly. For four blood tests. To the orthodontists to check my teeth are strong enough to take the treatment (they can fall out apparently)and on the 18th we will go to ward 202 to be shown round and have the treatment and side effects explained again before starting chemo in ward 201 on wednesday the 19th.

I should say at this stage that the treatment and care we have had from everyone in ENT at the UHNS, especially June and Wendy has been absolutely fantastic, and has been a real comfort to all of us.

The reason for starting this blog is to, hopefully, keep all of my friends updated on what's happening. I will share my thoughts and as much detail as is appropriate ( I will spare you if I have to start wearing a man-nappy!)More than anything it is so that I can try and make sense of things and occupy my mind. Eight hours a day attached to a drip is a long time to fill in, and there's only so many episodes of Homes Under The Hammer and Dickinson's Real Deal a man can take.