grass

4 hours sleep last night.tremendous.I now look a bit like this.

bambi

afternoon in a&e yesterday after I collapsed in a big heap in the front room. Fortunately Keeley & mum were there to catch me and ring the ambulance. All was fine. just got up a bit quick! My blood pressure is low at the min because of weightloss etc and that in combination with all of the other stuff meant I went over like Bambi.

Saw consultant this morning who confirmed there was nothing to worry about, and that the recovery process although painfully (literally) slow, was on course. Got to start getting more food down my neck hole, which will boost my bp, well being and generally speed the recovery up. so everything is on course.

no sleep at all last night which doesn't help at all bit a new morphine patch on this morning which will help for a couple of days.

progress

quick news report.

• had 3 or 4 hours sleep last night which was fantastic

• things continue to improve daily, but still very early doors

• attempted to eat a bit of porridge yesterday and kept a couple of teaspoons down, which is big progress

• the burns on my neck are healing nicely

more tomorrow hopefully friends

ps. happy 50th birthday to Jo in Honkers.  Have a great day and can't wait to catch up soon.

potato

suffice to say, dear friends, that when they said things would get worse before they got better they weren't joking. Had a rough couple of days and nights to say the least. I'm in good hands though. will report back intermittently with progress reports.

sleep

this is what hit looks like at 2 in the morning in our house, when you can't sleep for one thing and another.feeling very grim.

moz

in the words of the great Mozzer'Stop me if you've heard this one before', but I have just been awoken by some very loud snoring from next door and not feeling very well at all. It's 1.30am!!!

Those of you who are regular viewers will remember the time I was in ward 201 and was kept awake by a force 9 gale from the next bed snoring his way in to the record books whilst I was feeling a bit grim in the next bed, not sleeping and wanting it all to be over so that I could get better and get on with our lives.

That was in feb/march and tonight on the 21 of May I am being kept awake by our delightful, large nostrilled neighbour, in between boughts of feeling sickie and crap in general.

What's that? I hear you say. I thought our brave hero had finished his treatment and was on his way to a speedy recovery. 

Well I have, and I am, but the effects of being lasered through my neck, mouth and throat for the last month will continue for another couple of weeks before I start to pull out on the other side.

In other words the 'sunburn'I have on my neck and face, the blisters, thrush and ulcers in my mouth, the *stringy bits at the back of my tongue and throat, the mucusitis, the weight loss and generally being sick and indeed tired are here to stay for a while.

I now have super strong 72 hour morphine patches which are helping pain wise, but the biggest pain is the mucus which unless you get rid(spit it out), causes you to be sick, which is fine, if a little uncouth, in the day, but at night is a problem.

Anyway the last treatment yesterday went fine, I've attached a couple of pictures of the tremendous people down on LA 3 which also show a bit of the machine which did the dirty deed. Special mention to Hardeep who managed to avoid getting his picture taken.

LA3 waiting room

The dreaded LA3 sign by the door which announced if they were running late or not.

Me and the  bride waiting to be called for. treatment number 30

A scary youth with some very kind radiographers

Me and LA3

*for those of us old enough to remember old style, cooked on the premesis, school meals, we remember what they made for pud when they hadrun out of ingredients. Yes, cornflake tart with scalding hot jam. This consisted of a pastry base filled with cornflakes and topped with a layer of delicious strawberry jam 

Delicious? Maybe. Scalding hot? Very much so. By the time them bad boys came out of the oven the jam must have been a million degrees, thus rendering the rooves of the mouths of all of the poor kids partaking, ruined. It was this ruination to the tongue, the roof and the throat and the killing of the skin producing dangly, dead bits , that I am likening to my current oral affectations.

funk

Today, due to my super duper strength morphine patches, my brain is in a mushy, funky, fog. It has taken me half an hour to type to this.

done

It's done. Feel a bit like unlucky Alf after he's been cured of a deadly disease, only to catch rabies! But give me a couple of weeks and we'll see where we're at.

http://youtu.be/ojUcxWflaP8

numbers

today as described by cold, hard facts & figures.

• 3am-1 cup of tea (weak)

• 5am-1 ml Miss Tracey's Mixture (nystatin)

• 7am- 50ml super duper morphine

• 7am- 1 ml nystatin 

• 8.30 am - 200ml ensure hi cal drink

• 8.45 am- 400ml water

• 9.40 am- shower

• 10.00am - cup of tea

• 10.10am - lactulose administered to avoid you know what.

•11.30- 5ml oramorph

• 11.45- 200ml ensure. Yum

•11.30-500ml water

etc, etc, etc

You will see how important Keeley's role in all this is. Because of the nature of the drugs I'm on, and the pain I'm in, I'm usually off with the fairies. On top of everything else in her life, Keeley has to get all this stuff ready for me, from measuring into syringes, making sure I get the right medicine, and this is the glamorous stuff. Emptying the sick bowl, chucking the spit down the loo, cleaning syringes, making cups of tea, taxi driver.

For all of this and much more she is my hero.

penultimate

On this, the day of my penultimate radiotherapy treatment, I sat down to write down a few profound thoughts. As usual none came to mind and I realised that, much to all of our pleasure, none were necessary.

Zippy

latest update on the condition of my chops.

With a video that sums things up.

http://youtu.be/zK0aciIIENo

Yesterday was a very long and painful day, fortunately followed by a better night's sleep. Hopefully the super strength morphine is now sorting me out.

Thanks to mum and Keeley for their

Kindness and patience with me yesterday. I could hardly talk which is horrible enough, you can't express yourself and are very conscious of appearing , if not meaning to be very rude. Anyway, they know that I am a grumpy sod anyway so no hard feelings!

last chemo

last chemo ticked off today. Found time to take a couple of pics from my morphonic fug.

Me & the support team

The fab a Sue Tunstall. If you need a nurse specialising in chemotherapy she's the bunny.

break

not sure how much I will be blogging in the next few days. Taking some super strong morphine type drugs which are totally wiping me out. 5 treatments left after today but won't begin to recover for at least a week after it ends.

Will do my best but can't promise . Suffice to say that there is some light at the end of what seems like a very long, dark tunnel.

list

a random list of things that have happened since January.

• I have been in an operating theatre 3 times

• I have spent 13 nights in hospital having never spent 1 previously

• I have had 247 hours of chemotherapy treatment

• I am under 14 stone for the first time since I was 30

• I have a blister the size of a 10p on the roof of my mouth

• I have only 1 tonsil

• I have sat on the couch. A lot

• I have slept. Very little

• I realise that I can never complain about having a sore throat or ulcer ever again

• I have been on a liquid diet for 2 weeks and counting

• Stoke have finished 9th in the Prem for the first time since I started going in 1975

cycling

Thanks to my lovely visitors yesterday, Sarah. & Lisa. Special Thanks to Lisa for the Grand Designs book, she knows of my plan (maybe fanciful ) to design and build my own house, the book is a good starting point. After all, how hard can it be?

A pleasant evening spent with uncle Karl watching Anchorman 2. Hilarious stuff.

More thanks to Gill for her gift of creams, unctions and ointments which will be very handy during my recovery.

Now for a quiet day watching the Giro d'Italia from Northern Ireland (!)

spitty man

Until a couple of weeks ago when I assume his treatment finished, there was a guy who used to use the same radiotherapy waiting room as me, who went by the name of spitty boy. He used to announce his arrival with a big hock and spit into what I assume was a waste paper bin from home. No one said anything because it was obviously related to his condition. Didn't make it any less unpleasant though.

Anyway folks, I am here to tell you that I am now spitty man.

I am a little more discrete in the hospital than the original but I now have a bowl with me by my bed at night and by the sofa during the day. The simple fact is that if you don't spit it out it makes you sick, so watcha gonna do?

This blog was bought to you by the gobbing marketing board of Great Britain and was sponsored by Sid's Spittoons of Stoke.

With apologies.

nurse!

Quiet day. Nurse Cristall & Nurse Gerrard are here. Lots of medicine being taken. That is all.

Maybe should have taken a bit more time to compose myself before taking this.

glam

Sounds pretty glam doesn't it? Breakfast in Bed. If you are in a swanky hotel and it is served by your butler I'm sure it is. At home, being offered your hi-cal drink and a syringe on a tray by your hairy-arsed 14 year old son, the opulence is lost somewhat, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The way the kids are dealing with the situation is fantastic. They have worked out a survival tactic that involves avoiding me when I'm grumpy, feeding or being extra grumpy. They're very clever.

Thanks again to all my correspondents. Especially Gill, Karen C. & Shackers who wrote to me despite being in a Liverpool fans hour of desperation and spoke about perspective and stuff. Very cool.

At the Nuff this morning for penultimate chemo and a blood test, back to UHNS for my 22nd radio this afternoon. Hopefully the waves of nausea I 'm feeling won't delay the treatment.

I'm here all week!

Lunch. Strawberry. Yum.

teeth

If nothing else I am becoming quite a multi-tasker. I type this whilst at the same time filling my feeding tube with my delicious dinner vanilla drink. Quite impressive I'm sure you'll agree.

Been to the orthodontist this morning who was happy with my teeth. Baring in mind that you could film a documentary about the condition of the rest of my mouth I was thankful for small mercies. She also gave me some spongey things on the end of sticks to brush my teeth with. Even though I am using a baby's brush at the min it is still too painful to use, especially when it clobbers an ulcer, the sponges will hopefully be a bit more forgiving.

Hoping to review medicine I'm on later during our radio session. The stuff I'm on for thrush is n't really touching it and I'm waking up in agony in the night. We need a bigger boat doctor!

vanilla

My view from the sofa today. 20th radio done, 10 left. It's not all bad. Now what flavour drink am I going to drip through the tube? Vanilla? Oh go on then.

food

Breakfast, dinner and tea. The choice of champions.

medication

This is where I'm at folks. A different mouth wash or tablet or a bit of oral suspension (!) every hour. It's exhausting.

And this is my breakfast, dinner and tea. Lovely.

My mouth is now officially full of mucous which is impossible to shake off and which builds up until you gag. My throat is sore because of the gagging. My throat is sore anyway. I have thrush which stings like a bugger. I have dozens of ulcers which sting like a bugger. 

19th radio yesterday was fine, just hoping I feel a bit better by the next on Monday, it's not possible to lie flat on the machine if you're feeling icky and I don 't want to start delaying treatments now. Fingers crossed.

sicky

Bit sicky today. Not up to blogging I'm afraid.

symptoms

Ok, so this is what I've got:

• sunburn. Neck & face are now, as promised, showing all the signs of falling asleep in the sun. not a look I would recommend.

• sore throat. You know when you've been sneezing for a couple of days and know that when you wake up you will have a sore throat, well hold that thought.

Actually, when you aren't swallowing and can keep your mouth shut it isn't too bad but as soon as you start swallowing/gulping it wrecks. Usually this wears off during the day but I've got it 24/7.

•dry mouth. 

• ulcers . My mouth, because it is so dry, can't regulate or clean itself so it becomes full of ulcers. I've got a line along each side of my tongue which catch on my teeth, two whoppers on my gum just below my front teeth, and conveniently, one on the inside of my lip at the front which just catches my teeth, nice! My tongue is also green. Look away now if you are feint hearted.

•phlegm. Sorry about this but this nasty stuff builds up in my mouth and I have to disperse it with a bicarbonate and salt mouth wash and a good old hockle and spit about 8 times a day.

•I am now feeding 90% through the tube.

Amazingly even though the lovely(!) hi calorie drinks go straight into my tummy they still repeat on you and I find myself burping strawberry which is horrible. I can just about get a bowl of porridge down but not sure for how much longer as it hurts. Even a drink of water stings my tongue.

That's about it. Moving on to even higher cal drinks today as my weight is dropping quite a bit. Had my chemo (2 left) and 17th radio (13 left) yesterday which has left me pretty tired but ok. Archie got his award for English Litetature last night which is about as big a tonic as I could have had. Off for a bit more Breaking Bad now.